She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
