I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
