you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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