If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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