'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
