I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
