he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
