I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
