how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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