he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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