Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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