genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
