You're completely useless in the revolution.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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