we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
