dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
