just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
