I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
