i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
