is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
