i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
