Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
