Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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