I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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