shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
