So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
