Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
