I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
