I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
