Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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