I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
