Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
