I wannas sexs uuuuu
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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