the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
