She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
