I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
