Too much gin, very little bucket
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
