So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
