It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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