i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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