My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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