tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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