this just has baby written all over it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
