If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
