so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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