please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
