We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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