Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
