It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
