finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
