Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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