Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
