My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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