She tied me up with her honor cords...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
