Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
