Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
