We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am one with the molecules
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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