Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
