Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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