He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
