We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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