I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
