You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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