chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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