I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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