He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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