reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
