she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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