SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it's like iHOP with fire
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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