He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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