So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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