its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
