6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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