Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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